Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Check

Thank God I’m going to college
and getting away from you, mother.
I don’t even get a congratulations
Because, now that I’m getting an education,
you’re losing an income.

I don’t understand why!
How could you do this to me, mom?
I am your son, and you treat me
like a kid treats an old toy.
You toss me out of your way
once I’ve outlived my usefulness.

When I went to school,
you never made me lunch.
I don’t recall you even looking at my report card.
I don’t even remembering hearing you say
“Have a good day” or “I love you.”

You always didn’t like to look at me anyway
Because, when I was young, you always said that
I looked like Dad and that made you angry.
Grandma told me how you used me to get Dad to stay
like a master uses fear on a slave.
All that did was give him more reason to leave.

So not only did you deny me a father,
you didn’t even try to be a mother.
The only contribution you made to my life
was that you gave it to me, not because you wanted me,
because you got a free income once a month.

The only reason I’m saying this now is because
after today, a paycheck from Dad is not the only thing
that will not come to this hell hole anymore.
I’m sorry for two things Mom.
That we had to turn out this way,
and that you’re not even going to say goodbye.

So, you think it’s always been about the money?
It’s so easy to think the worst of me.
You’re right. I’m not going to say goodbye
because you’re not going anywhere,
because you’re your father’s son,
and you will end up like him --
a nobody.

You won’t go far in life for one simple reason.
Trash can’t be anything else but trash.
You were born in this hell hole, and
you’re going to come back to one,
writing a check to some girl you knocked up.

You can hate me if you want because it’s not like you know
what really happened between your father and I.
If you only knew how he took advantage of me,
how your father tricked a naïve girl
by using snake-like charms and
dominant influence over me
just to get what he wanted.

He came up to me,
saying I was the one.
Then, as soon as I gave him everything,
he became a complete stranger.

He didn’t talk to me for weeks,
never called to see how I was doing,
and the only time he spoke with me again
was when we found out we were having you.

The only reason I had you wasn’t money.
The reason you’re alive is because I am pro-life,
and when you’re father found out about you,
he tried to turn me pro-choice.

I got your letter
and thank you for letting me know
how you feel about what you’ve heard.
You deserve your anger, but let me help you direct it
by telling you the whole story of what happened
between your mother and me.

As far as being called
a snake and using dominant influence,
the only one that used these
in the short relationship with your mother
was in fact your mother and not I.

All I ever used was my confidence,
my reputation for being a ladies man.
Your mother would know about snakes
considering how she danced in front of me
that night in the club where we hooked up.

To say she was naïve when she was young.
Ask your mother how naïve she was
when she seduced me while the girl I was dating
was away, and I was left alone for the weekend.
I was the naïve one, thinking
I could get away with one night.

Then your mother told that girl the second she got back,
and that girl called me the same day and told me
that we were finished. So, in one night,
I ruined a great relationship because of your mother,
and I was going to be damn if I was going to let her ruin my life.

Yes, I did try to get her to give you up,
only because she didn’t want you for the right reasons,
and I didn’t want you because I wasn’t ready to be a dad.
I’m sorry to be cold, but you’re a man and deserve the truth.
I’m not writing to justify my actions,
just explaining why those actions happened
the way they did and that I’m sorry
you got the short end of the stick.
I enclose one last check to you, so I can at least contribute to your life.
This is more than I can say about your mother.

After a few weeks here in college,
I’ve had some time to think
about all I’ve learned about
both sides of the whole story.

I’m writing this letter to both of you now
because I’ve never been so disgusted by 2 people.
Knowing both sides of your stories, I conclude
that you both deserve each other.

Dad, thank you for understanding my anger,
but to hell with your damn check.
I never wanted it. I wanted you.
I wanted a father and instead I got paper
with a cold, black, and worthless signature.

You’re nothing to me but a name
because that’s all I’ve ever seen of you,
once a month on a rectangular piece of paper.
I took that last check you sent and trashed it.

Now, as far as you go mother,
the only reason you kept me with you
was to keep Dad with you, and when that failed,
you took it out on me, and that I will not forgive.
You were more of a curse than a mother.

The only time we ever talked was when
you tried to get me to not go to college
so I can stay home with you
because you “Needed me at home.”
You are just as selfish and pathetic as Dad.

And you were wrong.
I’m not like dad because I have a fiancé
and she is pregnant with my child
and we are having it together.
So, already I have out done both of you
and I conclude this letter
with these final words.

Neither one of you has contributed in my life.
You both would’ve done me a favor by killing me
because I hate having these feelings for you both.
Everything I have gained has been through my hard work.
For that, I doubt now more than ever that I am your offspring.
After I write this letter, I will be changing my name.

I’m attending college, I have a great job,
and I have a girlfriend who will likely be my wife.
I will have a happy life which is something you both
know nothing about. For that, I pity you.

So, I enclose to each of you
a check with my old name on it.
Treasure it because it’s the last item
that will have my former name.

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